Am i normal and is my husband behaving normal?

ours was a love marriage v were very happy just like lovey doveys but soon my husband's job was such that he had to entertain his clients who were ship guys and he got into drinking after that i once cuaght him fliriting with the maid then he started staying out late almost past midnight almost at least 5 days a week on questing he kept saying his work was such. Now after many many years knowing that i have given my utmost to our relationship sincerely and have always stood by him, he said he felt guilty and confessed to me that soon after marriage he had slept with a whore and it was just one encounter becos he was drunk and was out of his mind, but he used to stay away from home almost past midnight never returned before 2.30 and used to come home drunk kind of doubtful. then he confessed the second time his friend forced him to visit a whore and he just went but felt too guilty to do anything and just sat and chatted with the whore. my husband had the habit of watching porn movies mags etc, i just dont belive him i know he is lying and he has had many nights out. But i love him as i had loved him from my school days. But now he has beocme sober he has left smoking drinking becos he says he wants to say sorry, but the problem is after his confession he is not able to make love to me though all the time he is hugging and kissing but the erection is not coming and i like an idiot i never was like that have started throwing myself on him and started watching on the net just the sites that show husbands with whores in actions just to see how my husband must have slept with the whore what all he must have done i keep crying and am unable to concentrate and unable to sleep without sleeping pills. I never ever watched porn before, but now the moment i get the time i just want to see what all men do with the whores becos my husband says there was no kissing allowed in his time he did not touch her anywhere but just banged and came away becos he was feeling very guilty and dirty inthe room. should i believe him. im really going nuts, m i normal, vr in a bad financial state to take even a holiday..what should we do.. plz help. the place where we live have no counselors v r in a village r there any online sites that can help.